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bringing the coffin sliding onto the floor. One of the men shouted: “Quick

Time:2019-03-18 01:24Underwear site information Click:

kelownadailycourier.ca

St. Patrick's Day

On Sunday, everyone in the Okanagan is Irish. In anticipation of St. Patrick’s Day, staff at Clancy’s Pub in downtown Penticton tested the green beer tap while decked out in green. From left are partner Ryan Graham, server Nora Kirsch and kitchen manager Josh Arkell.

Melanie Eksal

In asking for directions once, we were told by a man to drive a mile outside of town and turn right at the wheelbarrow. We both hoped that nobody had moved it before we got there.

It’s also said that if you ask an Irish person a question, they answer with a question, and we found that to be absolutely true when we asked for directions to Murphy’s B&B. The reply we got: “Is it Murphy’s you be looking for, then?”

On one occasion when I was giving a talk in Belfast to a group of sales people, I was introduced by the manager as follows: “Those of you here today who didn’t turn up for Russ’s talk are going to regret it.”

I watched an American being interviewed on The Late-Late Show in Dublin, answering a query about what he thought of Ireland. He replied: “I saw all the beautiful green fields when flying in this morning and wondered what caused them. Then I opened the window in my hotel and heard the birds coughing. Now I know . . . it’s the bloody rain that makes everything so green.”

The country just seems to bring out the humorous side of people’s characters. Like the policeman who pulled over a car on the road and told the driver: “Paddy, your wife fell out of the back seat of your car a mile back.”

The driver slapped his forehead. “Thank God for that,” he replied. “I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Drink also seems to be part and parcel of the Irish Identity.

Seamus, who had the reputation of a drinker, went to the doctor’s one day for a checkup as he wasn’t feeling well.

After examining him, the doctor scratched his head and said: “I can’t seem to find out what’s wrong with you. I think it’s the drink.”

Seamus stood up and replied, “Ah, don’t worry, Doctor. I’ll come back when you’re sober.”

There was also the man who started going into a pub and ordering three pints of Guinness — one for himself and two for both of his brothers living abroad. One day he turned up and ordered just two pints.

The barman, aware of this, asked him: “I’m sorry. Has one of your brothers passed on?”

“Oh, no,” the man replied. “I’m giving up the drink for Lent.”

Another that I liked was the funeral cortege that was heading up to the cemetery carrying Padraig’s wife’s remains. On approaching the cemetery gates and turning in, the coffin bumped against the iron gate. Suddenly, there was knocking from inside. You guessed it — the wife was still alive. So back they go to the farm and the coffin is stowed out in the barn.

Five years later, she died again and once again the funeral cortege heads up to the cemetery. But before it reaches the gates, Padraig jumps in front of it and imploringly tells the men carrying the coffin to “watch that bloody gate this time.”

Or Bridgette, who was back after three years in London and going to confession, was asked by the priest what she’d been doing over there.

She answered: “I was a pole dancer.”

The priest was perplexed and asked, “What exactly is that?”

“Oh, it’s hard to explain,” she replied. “Why don’t we go out in the aisle and I’ll show you.”

So out they go and she proceeds to do summersaults and backflips alongside the pews. Two old biddies were sitting there waiting for confession, and one leaned forward to the other and whispered: “I didn’t know that penance had changed so much. I wish I’d worn my good underwear.”

We’re big on wakes as well in Ireland.

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